Tuesday, December 12, 2017

THE BAD BATCH (2016)

Imagine if you had an interesting visual concept for a 6-minute long music video and then stretched that concept out to 118 minutes.

Set in some kind of low-budget dystopian future, THE BAD BATCH opens with a pretty chick with a killer body, Arlen (Suki Waterhouse), being locked behind a huge fence in the desert.  She turns and wanders off into the wasteland.  Within a day, she's kidnapped by cannibals and sections of her right arm and right leg eaten.  Soon, the real horror starts when the cannibals start listening to Ace of Base!  Arlen can't take it anymore and escapes.  She eventually shows up in a town full of tweakers and dorks called Comfort.  From there on, more things happen, but honestly...I didn't give a shit.  The story was dumb as fuck, slow-moving and illogical.

The only thing I knew about TBB going into it was it was about cannibals and it starred Keanu Reeves.  That sounds awesome!  In my handsome brain, I was visualizing BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE versus CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST.   That didn't happen.

Style over substance storytelling, very little dialogue, lots of music video-style photography, Jim Carrey showing up from some unknown reason, snail's pace, multiple things that brought to mind EL TOPO, zero nudity, very little violence, promising opening act, weak middle act and a lame as fuck ending.

If you need me, I'll be in my room playing Borderlands.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

ONE FOR THE MONEY (2012)

"Shot that sucker in the gumpy."

Stephanie Plum (Katherine Heigl) hasn't worked in 6 months, so she takes a job as a bounty hunter and as "chick flick" (I hate that term) logic would have it, the very first dude she goes looking for, just happens to be a beau hunk that she banged in high school and still carries a torch for.  He's innocent (of murder!!!), of course, but nobody believes it, so it's up to her and him to prove his innocence.

Zero nudity, lightweight cussing, Debbie Reynolds shooting a stuffed turkey in “the gumpy” (whatever the fuck a gumpy is), bland direction, tame script that takes no chances, average acting, good pace. As far as films of this nature go, ONE FOR THE MONEY is okay.  The story is silly as fuck and the danger elements are just kind of laughed off in a bizarre way that left me scratching my handsome head, but whatever...I didn't go into this film expecting anything deep.  

For entertainment, it's pretty weak, but as a timewaster, it fits the bill.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

THE THIN MAN (1934)

Hard-drinking Nick Charles (William Powell) is one of the greatest detectives alive, but he recently married a wealthy industrialist's daughter, Nora (Myrna Loy), so from now on it's smooth sailing!!  No more gumshoeing or hiding in the shadows for him. No siree, Bob! Just a bunch of relaxing, getting drunk as a skunk and gettin' up in his wife's guts...or at least that was the plan.

No matter how hard he fights it, he can't help but get pulled into the case of a married scientist (Edward Ellis) who disappeared around the time his mistress was found murdered. All of New York is abuzz with wild rumors and stories. And to make matters even worse, Nick's beautiful new bride is chomping at the bit to see her famous detective husband in action! Finally, he agrees and after some entertaining snooping around, he has all of the players in the mystery forced to attend a dinner party at his penthouse.  Fireworks ensue.

The murder mystery in THE THIN MAN is entertaining, but the real attraction (and the reason the film endures even to this day) is the on-screen chemistry between Myrna Loy and William Powell.  The two of them together as Nick and Nora Charles really is movie perfection.  The playfulness and quick wit...and the funny faces!  Oh my god, the funny faces they make at each other is the cutest thing that I've seen in a long time.

Quick pace, great mystery, amazing supporting cast, nice use of shadows, clever script (based on an outstanding novel by Dashiell Hammett), outstanding direction by W.S. Van Dyke (a.k.a. "One-Take Woody") who somehow shot this movie in less than 3 weeks!!!  Fun fact: Hammett's novel was originally published in December 1933 and the film premiered five months later in May 1934!  Holy duck-billed platypus testicles, that's fast!!!

If you enjoy classic Hollywood mysteries, then THE THIN MAN is required viewing and the start to a wonderful series that actually has a two sequels that I think are better than the original (parts 2 and 3). Highly recommended.

Part 2 - After the Thin Man (1936)
Part 3 - Another Thin Man (1939)
Part 4 - Shadow of the Thin Man (1941)
Part 5 - The Thin Man Goes Home (1945)
Part 6 - Song of the Thin Man (1947)